Addiction Recovery: Stages of Change

Thinking of Change?

Giving up an addiction is the hardest obstacle in life to do.  The addiction is such a struggle to give up because we like the substance or thing we are addicted to.

I love the way coffee makes me feel in the morning when I drink it.  The smell of it brewing, the taste, and then the tingling feeling in my brain after gulping down the first drink.  I continue to drink coffee because I love it!  Using alcohol, marijuana, consuming excessive amounts of fried chicken, or winning lottery tickets feel good to those who engage in those substances, activities or eat certain foods.  Why would we give up something that feels so good?  This is why it is so hard to quit a substance or behavior that we love, but sometimes it is necessary for our health, financial situation, relationships, etc.  We need to ask what is the cost or risk of continuing the addiction or behavior?  Good thing my coffee addiction doesn't present too many risks!-- That's easy to say with all other addictions too.

Though addiction/behavior-educational material is important through this process, this isn't a treatsie on the dangers of your addiction, but only some ideas to think about if you are wanting to change (i.e. contemplation stage).  Inevitably, it is your choice and your life anyway.  DiClemente and Prochaska's (1983) Stages of Change model shows how an addicted person recovers.

1. Precontemplation (unaware of the problem)
2. Contemplation (becomes aware of the problem and the desired behavior change)
3. Preperation (intends to take action)
4. Action (practices the desired behavior)
5. Maintenance (works to sustain the behavior change)
  
Relapse can occur at any stage (drinking a beer after a year of sobriety or smoking a cigarette after six months of cessation).  A person can also sit on one stage longer than the others.  It may take an individual six months to decide that he is ready to take action after deciding he needs to put the booze down. The diagram above helps one to think about what step he or she is facing next.  Due to excessive stress around the holidays, should a coping skill be developed to sustain the behavior change?  Due to a court hearing one may need to start practicing the desired change to avoid more issues.  What's next?

Which step are you on?  Are you aware there is a problem?  Use the beginning of 2015 to make a change for the better!  

Tony Nichols

Seeking a Healthy Marriage?

Marriage Defined: work. play. co-habitat. enjoy. disappointment. frustrating. exciting. confusing. difficult. breath-taking, dysfunctional, conflict. interesting. curious. unconditional. non-compatible. pleasurable.

These are all words that can describe a marriage.

There is plenty that is written and explored within the topic of developing a healthy marriage and loving relationships.  The English word "love" may be the most sought after or awkwardly used word in the beginning of a relationship (we've all been there), but often times isn't specific enough in expressing one's true feelings.  One's love for tacos isn't the same love that one possesses for his bride (if it is, maybe that's the problem).

Journey- Nine More Months!!

It's been a while since I have posted anything.  This summer I was able to take a deep breath and relax a little from school.  It felt really good!  Camping trips, long family walks, a wedding in KS, a romantic summer night in Chicago at a play, and time at the park and playing in the yard with the kiddos have been wonderful.  I began my educational journey in August of 1986 as a Kindergartner in Avon, IN.  I will be ending that journey this year at LCU in Lincoln, IL in May of 2015.  God willing, this will be my last year!  Fortunately, I just need to complete a two-semester internship and one more class for licensure.  I love setting and meeting goals!  It has taken a lot of dedication and sacrifice to keep the target in site; props to my wife for putting up with me and a very chaotic schedule!  My prayers and positive self-talk will be screaming this year's motto: Nine more months-we can do it!!! 

It's nearly time to start working on new goals.  During that latter half of my educational journey, I also began building an awesome family to share my life with.  I actually like these people that I'm sharing a roof with.  Which is why my goals for the next era of my life include becoming a more enjoyable and involved family man, strive to be a more successful counselor, and having more fun- like this summer.  I'm also lucky to have great co-workers which helps encourage the "more successful counselor" part tremendously.  Hopefully, I can sleep some time in-between.  The camping, vacations or relief trips abroad, times at the park/ymca, and just goofing off with friends, new or old, brings relief to my soul.  Thanks be to God for blessing me with the life that I have.  Just nine more months!!!  :)
 

Financial Principles

6 Financial Principles to Loaning Money

           If the bank loans someone money with horrible credit and the person does not pay back the money to the bank, then it's the banks fault for taking the risk.  On a more personal note, you aren't helping someone if you are loaning him money and he has bad credit.  You are setting him up to fail.  If you want to help him, teach him to better manage the resources that he has.  Two, it's always better to give a gift, with no strings attached, then to give or borrow money expecting something in return.  Three, if you have work for them, let them earn the money.  Four, don't let loaning money get in the way of a relationship.  It's better to say "no," then for the relationship to become strained because he can't pay you back.  Five, if you do trust the person borrowing money from you, have clear expectations for paying it back.  Talk about what the person should do, in advance, if he can't pay it all back.  Six, if a person does not pay you back, do not let them borrow more money in the future. 
        Money can cause a lot of tension with family and friends & partners in businesses; manage those transactions wisely to maintain healthy relationships.  Check out these statistics:

• 57% of people said they have seen a friendship or relationship ruined because one person didn't  pay back the other
• Almost 50% have loaned $100 or more to help out someone, but 55% don't get repaid.
• 71% lend money to immediate family members, 57% to relatives, and 54% to friends. Dave Ramsey on lending money

By: Tony Nichols

Magic Videos

I have been getting into a new hobby lately.  I have learned that quality magic tricks takes a lot of practice.  I have some video footage of some of the tricks I have been doing of late. 
https://www.youtube.com/feed/?feature=guide

Responding to Disasters

The church responds to disasters all over the world- Katrina, Haiti, Alabama, 911 in NY, and now Joplin. 

This is the church being the church; the bride of Christ being the hands and feet of her groom.  It's awesome to hear on CNN and other major news outlets about the Christian response to the deadly tornado that hit Joplin.  I am proud to be a Christian and to be affiliated with the men and women in the city where I found Christ nearly eleven years ago.  Joplin was my home for about five years, but even though I am in Oswego, KS now that was the WalMart and Aldi we shopped in every other week.  It's a horrible thing to happen it a town that you love, but it's fantastic to see the relief efforts that are going on in Joplin.  

This reminds me of Psalm 34:2, "My soul will boast in the LORD; let the afflicted hear and rejoice."

We may not realize it, but there are disasters going on all the time in the lives around us week after week.  It may not be the extent of Katrina or the Joplin tornado, but it is very real and devastating to the individual or family that is afflicted by a tragedy.  Sometimes we may not respond because we don't want to be nosy or we don't want to embarrass them by asking if they need help.  Whatever the case may be, often times, we do not respond to the seemingly minute disasters that happen to people in our own communities throughout the year. 

In speaking about the separation of the sheep and the goats in Matthew 25, Jesus reminds us, "The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'"

The church has food pantries, counseling ministries, clothing ministries, benevolence budget, and other disaster relief ministries, but I have seen the mighty power of God working through the church and this power is like no other, I know that the church can do so much more to respond to personal disasters in our community day to day.  There are teen issues that become semi-disasters that need godly wisdom from parents or mentors, divorce, sickness, drugs, dating, friendships, teen pregnancy, etc.  God has prepared us to do respond to these disasters that come up in people's lives around us.  

We should pay attention to the words that Paul told the church in Ephesus, "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

There are five things that we can do to be better enabled to carry out the good works Christ prepared for us:
1.  Relationships- keep in touch with friends even if things seem to be a little shaky; we never know when the Spirit will use us to reach out to them or perhaps they could end up ministering to you.

2.  Love- whether it is tender and compassionate love or tough love that involves discipline.  Unconditional love is how we are supposed to respond to one another.  Love will cover a multitude of sins.

3. Listen- two ears - mouth equals more listening than sharing time.  We need to pay attention to what our friends and family are telling us.  Empathy is when we try to walk in the shoes of someone else.  Before making conclusions about one's lifestyle, ask, "How would I respond to that situation if that happened to me?"

4.  Know the Word of God-

a. Know the word of God to know how to act when a disaster comes your way.
b. Know the word of God enable to pour out wisdom to a loved one who is troubled.
c. Know the word of God so that you can encourage and rebuke in all righteousness.
  
5. Have Generous spirit with friends and family- send "thank you's," spontaneous gifts, drop in just to say hello, and take a family out to eat once in a while.

These acts of kindness will definitely open up more opportunities to share the gospel message with others in your community.  I hope and pray that we can be a beacon of light in a world of darkness each and every day and in each and every community!   

Sharing in His Sufferings



"Today you will be with me in paradise"-- Jesus



Imagine being on that cross and still having the sacrificial mindset to bring one more person to Christ.  None of us will ever die on a cross or suffer to the extreme that Jesus did, but as Christians we should expect to experience traumatic events that cause a lot of deep pain and suffering. 

The verse that caught my attention this week is from Philippians 3:10-11,

"I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death..." 

Like Paul, if I want to be more like Christ, I'm acknowledging that I will experience a great deal of exhausting trials as Jesus did.  "He (Jesus) is the revelation of God's design for human life.  Consequently he is the judge, the standard agaisnt whom we are measured and into whose likeness we will be conformed" (Stanley Grenz. Theology for the Community of God 339).  Yes, I want to be conformed to be more like Christ and with that comes discomfort, but it's definitely worth it because Paul also wrote that in becoming like him we also "attain the resurrection from the dead" (Philippians 3:11).  

"By definition, pain is unpleasant, enough so to force us to withdraw our fingers from a stove.  Yet that very quality saves us from destruction.  Unless the warning signals demand response, we might not heed it" (Philip Yancey. Where is God When it Hurts 34).  Pain and suffering is a characteristic of the world that lets us know that things aren't right.  It should tell us that this world isn't a place that we want to continue to live.  It should force us to think and act more heavenly even amungst the low valleys in life.  If you have been mocked for standing up for your faith at work, depressed about how another Christian has treated you, or maybe you don't understand why something bad happened to you or someone in your family, know that we also share in His comfort.       

If you're praying to be more like Christ, expect to experience some pain and suffering.  However, we also get to share in His comfort.  Paul wrote to church in Corinth, "For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows" (2 Corinthians 1:5).

We don't live isolated lives, but in a community with other people that go through trials as well.  We know people who are going through a lot of problems, but what are we doing to save them?  It's like watching someone put his hand on a hot stove but not saying anything to him.  We could reach over and help him remove his hand, and sometimes we do, but sometimes we just sit and watch without reaching out.  Right before Jesus died on the cross, he spoke the words to the man on the cross right beside him, "Today you will be with me in paradise" (Luke 23:43).  He saved one more person right before his death.  As we go through our own difficult trials lets not forget to reach out to just one more person so that he too can live in paradise with us some day.