Update on the NCE and LPC Journey

After four months, Monday I finally recieved the approval letter from the state board to register for the National Counselors Exam!!

Click on hyperlink below.

I sent in a few more fees, pertinent forms, and the approval letter today to Continental Testing Services and to the National Board of Certified Counselors in order to move this thing along to the next step in the LPC process.  Though now I'm waiting up to four weeks for another letter which enables me to schedule the exam.  Hopefully, I will be able to take this test before the end of the year.  Knowing what I know now, I should've applied toward the start of my last semester.

At least I have had ample time to study and to work on my resume.  Working at a Residential Treatment Center in my position with the challenging-but-awesome clients, great co-workers, and other collaterals has provided significant experience in the field but I'm looking forward to practicing therapy day to day.

Along the journey I have been developing a counseling niche.  With eleven years of experience working with the youth population that is an obvious one.  I have successful experience using evidence based techniques with clients who exhibit autistic features, suicidal ideation, mood disorders, and behavioral issues.  Whether it's a single mother and sibling family unit or a foster family, it takes a healthy and united family system to stabelize the youth in treatment, so family therapy is another specialization I want to take on.  I also have training with addictions counseling from Wasburn University so I'm looking forward to the challenges of addictions treatment in individual or group therapy with that population as well.  The M.Div I completed in 2013 adds another unique specialization I can offer for those who desire a faith based therapeutic approach.

Ok, back to Rosenthal (see Rosenthal on www.amazon.com to purchase) NCE study materials.  

Tony Nichols 

    -I find joy in helping other's experience hope and peace in their life. 

Treating Trauma in Children

I just recently began reading the book, Treating-Traumatic-Stress-Children-Adolescents.  The authors take the reader through the effects of how a child that is raised in an abusive or neglectful home does not develop healthy skills or attach to others appropriately.  It explains that children are resilient and will adapt to the environment they are raised in but may develop unhealthy coping or relational skills to receive their basic needs.  

Lets say there are three children and a single mother that dwell in an urban home in a poverished neighborhood.  One can already identify some challenges with just that scenario.  This already may cause the child to manipulate one parent over the other or to fight her siblings over basic needs.  The families recources could be limited and attachments to one or both parent's could be compromised. Now throw into the mix the mother's alcohol dependency, lack of employment, and her paramour that is physically abusive to her.  Sexual abuse is commonplace with the pre-adolescent and physical abuse with the two younder children.

What do the three children think about love, concern, hope, parenting, their feelings of anger, sex, friendships, etc.?  Children who are raised in the above environment will respond to the world differently than those who are raised in a healthier family context (Kids that are raised in a good home with caring parent's struggle enough to adapt to the world as it is).  The author suggests that "Our skills grow in response to the input our environment gives us, so that we can negaotiate that environment successfully.  In this sense, all of development can be considered adaptive (Blaustein & Kinniburgh).  Emotional arousal will increase as a childs needs are not met; they must adapt.  This is where acting out, throwing fits, aggression becomes a learned behavior as to meet a need.  A parent will meet the need of the child throwing a fit as a response to the fit.  Thus, a child learns how to get cereal, candy, or even a drink of water.  This becomes the child's reality or worldview as he/she grows up (acting out = needs/wants).

There needs to be some kind of change in the young person's environment (mother rehabilitates, foster care, treatment, group home, religious experience, college, etc.) if he/she is to react to the world differently as an older adolescent or an adult.  The Attachment, Self-Regulation, and Competency (ARC) is a treatment, as explained in the book, that helps to identify warning signs and asists with building competencies by working with the caregivers and the child that's experiencing the traumatic stress.

Tony Nichols

   --I find joy in helping other's experience hope and peace in their life.                                         

Emotional Intelligence: Responding to Personal Triggers

What are some of your emotional triggers or pet peeves?

 
* Talking about politics at work or a family gatherings
* When someone gives unsolicited advice
* Judgmental opinions
* Someone sneezing in your food
* Inconsistencies
* Spouse or subordinate overspending
* Car turning in front of you without a blinker
* No use of spellcheck in emails or important documents
* Someone with an "It's all about me" kind of attitude that you have to be around often.
* Getting cussed out/told off by a co-worker/family member
* Feeling guilty about a bad choice
* Getting slapped in the face
* When someone is rude to you for no apparent reason
* Drive-thru mishap
* When co-workers/family members arrive late

How you respond to triggers says a lot about your emotional intelligence.  When you become angry about one of your triggers, how do you cope?  - Smoke, punch a hole in the wall, drink, overeat, impulsive spending spree on amazon.com, call a friend, do a project around the house, go for a drive...

Our definition of emotional intelligence is- Emotional intelligence refers to an ability to recognize the meanings of emotions and their relationships, and to reason and problem-solve on the basis of them. Emotional intelligence is involved in the capacity to perceive emotions, assimilate emotion-related feelings, understand the information of those emotions, and manage them (Mayer et al.'s 1999)

You can take an emotional intelligence test at: Emotional Intelligence Test on the queendom.com website.  You will get an assessment from the test that will guide you through your own emotional struggles and strengths.  Review the results, explore/problem solve how you can better manage your feelings when you find yourself triggered.  This can improve relationships, provide a healthier culture at work/home, get more done around the house/work, and relieve unhealthy stress. 

Tony Nichols

 --I find joy in helping other's experience hope and peace in their life.  

 

Coffee Breaks Improve Mental Health

We all have busy days but there are also times when back-to-back appointments all day with clients, projects, or staff meetings keep us busier than most.  Then at the end of the day the eye lids close immediately after the head hits the pillow only to start over the next day at the same speed.  Those who find their employment to be fast paced, heavily interactive, and always meeting important deadlines may also find themselves neglecting a break time during their day.

Youth are staying busy with school all day then sports, clubs, and other extracurriculars in the evening are looking to get into the college of their dreams with the least amount of debt possible.  Parent's are making sure that their children are appropriately socialized and physically fit while also encouraging their child to explore every creative bone in their body with karate, gymnastics, guitar, 4-H, and every other activity that helps them engage.  Our jobs, events, and kids' activities are all exciting and reasonable, but are we getting any breaks to let our minds catch up throughout the day? 

What you do on your break makes a difference as well.  Using this time to pray, meditate, drink coffee, read a book, or doing something that relaxes you will make a significant difference on your stress level, blood pressure, and will provide a more positive day. 

In my academic career along with my professional experience working with youth in ministry, foster care, and residential treatment, there have been many days when a break was the last thing on my mind.  There have been times when I had to go to the bathroom all day or get a drink, but couldn't find the time.  There have been other situations when my wife asked me what I had to eat at the end of the day and I realized that I ate nothing all day.  Thankfully, not all seasons working with youth are the same. The last couple summers working nights were extremely involved, but fortunately this summer has been more relaxed with some much needed down time.  I'm appreciative of the days when breaks are more commonplace because it allows time for my brain to catch up and process information, relationships, and events in a healthy manner.  Do your mind a favor and take a break!

Recently, I read in a Stanford Graduate School of Business article that taking breaks increase productivity, which your boss will love, and it also improves your mental health.  The article stated,   

“It doesn't take much to convince business leaders and others that they should take a coffee break from time to time. Taking 10 or 15 minutes off ultimately increases productivity rather than decreasing it. How much more useful and fulfilling to stimulate one's "relaxation response" through a meditational or prayer practice during one of those break times.  If nothing else, there's good medical evidence that it helps you to reduce stress, limit negative emotions, lower blood pressure, restore calmness, and increase your overall sense of well-being.”*

                             *From: How to Bring Your Spiritual Side to Work Every Day | Stanford Graduate School of Business 

                             http://www.gsb.stanford.edu/insights/how-bring-your-spiritual-side-work-every-day

Tony Nichols

--I find joy in helping other's experience hope and peace in their life.

Relational Challenges of an Addict pt. 2

Social impairment is a cause of concern for one who is recovering from a substance abuse addiction. Most users experienced being intoxicated during a great deal of their social gatherings so being sober may present some social awkwardness at those future gatherings.

Genograms can also be helpful when
exploring your relationships with others.

Social skills training is a significant portion of recovery as it will help to build healthy relationships with new/old friends or acquaintances.

You also may have some relationship repairing to do with those that have suffered the brunt of some of your anti-social activities while intoxicated or chasing after your next high. Building trust with those parties will be difficult but not impossible if you can admit that there is a substance abuse problem and a desire to work on building new social skills.

Being around a group of friends or relatives that use substances can be challenging as well when your trying to straiten your life out.  Alcohol, cocaine, or heroin may still be available within your social circles.  If saying no to your friends presents a problem then learning new social skills will be important in making this life transition.  Becoming more assertive with expressing your feelings and thoughts about your new lifestyle can help you to maintain your relationship yet still communicate clear boundaries.

A counselor/therapist will role play scenarios that may come up in the future with friends so that you can boost your confidence when in the moment; which will make the chances of recovery more successful. Group therapy is another way to develop social skills due to listening to others' challenging situations and learning how they successfully managed to say no.

Those that are recovering from a Substance Abuse Disorder that meet the criteria from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition have a diagnosis due to the regular use of alcohol/drugs that causes significant impairment "based on evidence of impaired control, social impairment, risky use, and pharmacological criteria" (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration and was last updated on 6/17/2015).  The specifics of the disorder can be explained in the hyperlink. 

Tony Nichols

 --I find joy in helping other's experience hope and peace in their life.  

Relational Challenges of an Addict

When an addict is recovering from alcohol or drugs, overeating, gambling, or compulsive shopping, they still have the challenge for the rest of their lives with staying sober, eating healthy, and spending their money/time wisely.  The issue isn't just overcoming the behavior, but sometimes it's also moving past the people that they spend their time with.  Breaking strong bonds with others can be extremely difficult but it can also save your life.  

Do you want to finally get over the maladaptive behavior(s) that found you in court, in a messy divorce, or bankrupt?   Do you find yourself at the same watering hole and kicking up dirt with the same people only to find yourself in the same crisis situations?  Be careful choosing the people you hang out with.  Proverbs says that iron sharpens iron, but it also profoundly states that a dog returns to his vomit- a foolish person does the same foolish things over and over again.  Find people that will encourage you, that will be honest with you, that will give an ear when needed, and that will help you to be a better person.  Having fun is good too!  Eventually you become the person or people that you spend the most time with.        

If you want to be successful at turning away from unethical behavior or curbing an addiction that continues to bring you down, then you need to leave the corrupt characters in your life behind and move forward.  Though finding good people to hang out with can be challenging, perhaps you can find new friends in rehab, in your new class in college, at Sunday school/small group at a church, at your place of employment, or other social groups in your community.

No one is perfect and anyone can be a negative influence from time-to-time, but when you need to change significant behaviors in your life or maintain that change, be wise with those you spend your time with.  

Tony Nichols

     --I find joy in helping other's experience hope and peace in their life.    

Grounding Experiences

It's been a perfect 70-80 degrees outside, the grass is green, and the flowers are in full blooom.  The trees and the light wind create a shadey breeze with a little bit of sunshine peeking through the leaves in the front yard.  The last couple months my calmest moments have been drinking coffee on the front porch while enjoying the scenery that God has given me.

Source of Pic

We need these grounding experiences each day to help us become aware of our current feelings about important matters in our life and to have clarity of mind when making significant decisions throughout the day.  Moments like these brings the pulse rate down so the body can rest and haults the racing thoughts so the mind can be at ease.

In Counseling Today I read an article on how counselors can help others work through difficult times. The author said to "Use grounding techniques to help clients stabilize. For example, Webber says, ask clients to name five non-distressing objects they can see, five non-distressing objects they can hear and five non-distressing objects they can touch. Integrate this exercise with deep breathing" (Lynne Shallcross 2010).  The article also suggests that one should be in the practice of performing these exercisis daily not just when there is a crisis situation as to keep the individual grounded in reality (Counseling Today).

For me on some days it's the front porch, but other days it's working in the yard (some call this "dirt therapy").  Find time in your day that you can take in a similar moment.  Think about what you enjoy seeing, touching, or listening to and take a short time out of your day to become grounded.

Tony Nichols

I enjoy helping others experience joy and peace in their life!
     

Looking for a Counseling Career?

I decided to gather some information about the Human Services field and make a blog for those that are trying to make career decisions.  It can be extremely confusing when you don't know where to look for the right information. Some of this information is general, but most only pertains to the state of Illinios as each state incorporates different standards.    

If you are just graduating high school, the first step is finding an undergrad program that includes a psychology degree or a degree in the human services field.  You will want to complete the degree, or at least your last two semesters, with a 3.0 GPA.  After completing a bachelors degree, search for a masters program that meets the requirements of the field that you desire to work in.

**Before you drop $20,000-$50,000 on a degree, make sure it will take you into the field you want to work in the most and for the longest period of time.  A psychology degree is very broad and can open up opportunities in a vareity of human services fields for you.  Seek out your guidance counselor to take a career test or search for a local career counselor to explore what drives you to be successful.  You also need to consider what kind of lifestyle you want to live.  Can you afford to be a therapist? Look up websites: www.payscale.com or Indeed Salary for LCPC to get an idea of a professional counselor's salary.

There are several fields within human services to choose from:

If you want to provide individual, family, and group counseling, a Clinical Mental Health Counseling masters degree would be best.  Look for a degree with at least CACREP standards.  Though, it's best to look at your states requirements.  I know that a counseling student in Indiana will need to take an internship with 1000 hours whereas other states, such as Texas, only require 300 internship hours. Illinois requires a graduate student in counseling to take classes in 13 differenent competencies, including a practicum or internship, and the degree must be at least 48 credit hours.  In Illinois, CACREP is the preferred accreditation, but it is not yet the official state standard. A CACREP degree requires 700 internship hours.  There are ten Universities in Illinois that have a CACREP accreditation for Clincial Mental Health Counseling: click here for the ten Illinios Universities.  The University I graduated from in 2015 is now one of those ten: LCU Counseling webpage. 

If you want to provide individual and group counseling for those with substance abuse disorders, then a Masters degree in Addictions Counseling would be your choice.  Keep in mind, that a social worker with a LSW and a counselor with a LPC can also work with substance abuse clients.  The University of Illinois has a top rated Masters in Social Work.  Check it out: UofI MSW Program.

If you primarily want to focus on counseling couples and families then a degree in Marriage and Family Therapy would suit you best.

Often times when people have setbacks, whether it's substance abuse or physical ailments, people will need a counselor to help them recover.  If this is the population you want to work with then a Rehabilitation Counseling degree would be best for you.  Southern Illinios University- Carbondale has one of the best programs in the country: http://ehs.siu.edu/rehab/

The above positions have their own licensure standards and exams, below are links about exams and licensure in Clinical Mental Health Counseling (LPC) in Illinois.

Professional Counselor in the state of Illinois                            NCE and NCMHCE Test-Prep

Professional Counselor Info                                                       National Counselor Exam official site

After attaining a masters degree, you will want to take the National Counselors Exam to finally apply for a License in Professional Counseling.  After two years of counseling experience under the supervision of a LCPC, then you can take the National Clinical Mental Health Counselor Exam (NCMHCE).  A LCPC license will allow you to meet the Illinois standard to supervise other counselors and to work in your own private practice.  A LCPC licensure application with state qualifications is here.

Many organizations, especially those that receive funding from the state, will want their therapists to be a Qualified Mental Health Professional.  The standard is explained in Section 132.  Meeting this standard will open a lot more opportunities for you and your future.

I hope this helps you find the career that will provide the most fulfilling experiences in your life.  Let me know if you have any questions.

Tony Nichols

I enjoy helping others experience hope and joy in their life!

Best Way to Evoke Change in Others: Motivational Interviewing

Motivational Interviewing (MI) is a counseling style used to help a client uncover his or her ambivalence toward maladaptive behaviors and to evoke change.

This evidence based interviewing style reminds me of a popular philosophical method that Francis Schaeffer used, "taking the roof off." When you remove the roof off of the house, Shaeffer states that, "each man must stand naked and wounded before the truth of what is."  The reality of one's worldview that which someone lives comes flooding in.  Therefore, the roof must be carefully deconstructed so the house can be reconstructed.  Apply that same concept to behavioral change and you have the crux of Motivational Interviewing.

Initiators of MI in the 80's, Miller and Rollnick (2013), in their book entitled Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change, stated, "If someone else voices an argument for change, people are likely to respond by expressing a counter-change argument from the other side of their ambivalence.  By continuing to express the arguments against change, people can literally talk themselves out of changing.  Similarly, people can talk themselves into change by continuing to voice prochange arguments" (See source here).

Unless there is a direct intent to harm self or others, it is up to the client to make his own life choices (you can't make someone else's choices for them).  What I love about motivational interviewing is that the counselor explores with the client and helps him expose his own destructive path and the consequences of that path.  Then the counselor can process with the client how to hold himself accountable by using his own values, goals, strengths, and morals.  Typically, people have the resources from within to make better decisions; it's up to the counselor to help pull these out.  If this happends, then the client can take ownership and build confidence in changing her behavior.

As the client uncovers his own values, he may see that drinking excessive amounts of alcohol at work or other maladaptive behaviors might cause his life to come flooding in on him (losing his job, income, house, hobbies, license, ability to support his family, prison, etc.).  Seeing this new reality or truth will help motivate the client to change.

A research journal article reported that MI helps clients change their behavior and that it trumps traditional advice giving in approximately 80% of the cases (See full study here). 

Tony Nichols

 --I find joy in helping other's experience hope and peace in their life. 

Looking for a Satisfying Career?

Are you thinking about changing careers or jobs?  There are many career paths that a person can choose after high school.  There are also several transition points a person can experience in life that will take him from one career to another.  Happenstance, unplanned connections with people or events, will be a reason why a person will move from one job or career to another.  One of the major competencies in counseling is Career Counseling.  An interesting career theory that stuck out to me through my research was Krumboltz's Happenstance Learning Theory:


Which roads lead to your dream job?

"(1) The goal of career counseling is to help clients learn to take actions to achieve more satisfying career and personal lives—not to make a single career decision. 

(2) Assessments are used to stimulate learning, not to match personal characteristics with occupational characteristics. 

(3) Clients learn to engage in exploratory actions as a way of generating beneficial unplanned events. 

(4) The success of counseling is assessed by what the client accomplishes in the real world outside the counseling session." Link to research article

Longevity, stability, growing roots, etc. are principles that many people hold in high regard (for many good reasons) but those traditional practices wont necessarily bring personal satisfaction to everyone.  Continuing to learn about life, seeking new interests, and growing relationships with others can bring many new career or job opportunities.  Some will even happen upon you by meeting those new people or exploring those new adventures.

           

A Forbes article reported that The Bureau of Labor Statistics found that people change jobs every 4.4 years.  A 2012 survey by Net Impact uncovered that 88% of employees considered "positive culture" important or essential to their dream job, and 86% reported that there dream job must be "interesting" as well.  The Forbes article also expressed that "Job -hopping helps workers reach both goals, because it means trying out a variety of roles and workplaces while learning new skills along the way."Forbes Article

Finding a new job or career doesn't have to just include signing up for indeed.com or looking through the newspaper.  Seek out a career counselor or coach, take a career assessment to create more self-awareness, learn new skills, and get involved in different activities.  You might just happen to find your dream job!

     

Tony Nichols

 --I find joy in helping other's experience hope and peace in their life. 

I'm Done! But, still stretching!

I just completed my last project and class last night!!!  I feel a lot of weight lifted off of my shoulders now that this counseling degree is finished.  I didn't feel this way after my bachelor's degree because I was already enrolled in graduate school and I didn't experience relief after the M.Div. because I was still taking courses for the counseling degree.  I defintely didn't feel this way after high school because I was still like a disoriented looking chicken cracking out of the egg shell.  But, at the age of 34, it's like I am finally an adult now and I can move on with life in the real world.  But my desire to grow is still strong.  Experiencing an achievement or goal doesn't mean as much if I can't defend it or continue to live out that success. Leadership guru, John Maxwell, said, “Success is due to our stretching to the challenges of life. Failure comes when we shrink from them.”     
     
My last course was in Test and Measures and my class had to take a battery of tests to gain the experience of administering, scoring, and interpreting tests so that we can make better assessments when we are in a therapist position.  One of the common patterns that surfaced in my tests was anxiety.  This has been a tough year with some experiences positive and some negative, but all causing stress (a lot of material for stretching) with moving into a new home, having an adorable healthy baby boy, working an internship and a full-time job (days and nights), troubles with our rental in Kansas, and finding time to spend with family and friends.  Even though I have a great wife and awesome/squirly boys at home, raising a family brings its own kind of stress as well.

I look forward to having a more balanced life; though, I haven't experienced what that's like without being enrolled in class since I was four (save for a year in-between HS and college).  Am I going to fill the void with something else and continue to manage a high level of stress/anxiety or am I going to relax for a period of time?  What is life like without having deadlines to complete projects, papers, and other assignments alongside all the other demands/opportunities in life?
I enjoy the product of what God has blessed me with; can't wait to see what else is going to stretch me!

Success is best achieved in community.  Thank you- Family, friends, professors, and colleagues that have spotted me on some of these life stretches!  Honorable mention- My wife, Shanda!    

Tony Nichols

 --I find joy in helping other's experience hope and peace in their life. 

Solution Focused

Source of Pic

"A tourist driving through rural Ireland got lost on the small roads.  Frustrated, he eventually stopped and asked a farmer how he could get back on the main road to Cork City.  'Ah,' said the farmer, 'If I was going to Cork, I wouldn't start from here.  I would start from somewhere else.'*  This Irish joke can illustrate how unhelpful people can be when we don't meet people where they are at in life.  In the human services field, it's important to meet people where they are at, not where we think they should be.

If the client feels that the counselor is attempting to put himself in her shoes by meeting her where she is at then she will begin to develop trust; this can foster a strong therapeutic alliance. Developing that alliance is extremely important when giving counsel to someone that might be searching for a better life but doesn't know where or who to turn to.  There are times like these when solution focused therapy proves to be the best method to help others navigate toward the right road for them.  Whenever I have been lost in an unfamiliar place and my wife finally demands me to go into a gas station to ask for directions, the attendant has never asked me, "Well, how did you get lost?"  The attendant usually shares with me how to get us on the right road so that we can end up at our desired destination; this is how solution focused therapy works.

Source to pic

Solution Focused Therapy includes a few different helpful techniques including: 1. Establishing goals; perhaps through asking the miracle question (If you were to wake up today and your life or triggering situation be the way you want it, what would be different?); 2. Finding exceptions to one's problems and then working on how to experience those exceptional moments more often so the goal can be met (I noticed that you don't have as much anxiety, you feel better, and your more productive when you go for a walk after work, I wonder how you can fit that in more?).  3.  Monitoring progress or effectiveness through scaling questions (On a scale of one to ten...).

If someone has experienced major trauma they will need to go back and examine their trauma narrative, but for clients that need to move forward, Solution Focused Therapy is extremely effective and helpful getting someone headed in the right direction.        


*Becoming a Solution Detective: Identifying your Client's Strengths in Practical Brief Therapy. The Haworth Clinical Practice Press. Binghamton, NY.  John Sharry, Brendan Madden and Melissa Darmondy 2003.  

Just One Page

Approximately ten years ago I went to a conference in Indianapolis where the speaker, Fred Craddock, spoke on the principle of writing "one page."  I remember sitting in that cushioned but uncomfortable chair in a crowded room at that session thinking of the value of writing "one page" stories.  With the completion of school coming in a few weeks that will add a little extra time, I thought that this was the best time as ever to start recording these one pagers.  

Most of the time when a memorable story or principle is experienced or surfaces in one's life it can be a teachable moment.  Craddock expressed the importance of recording these moments in just "one page" in order to recall them later.  These moments can be recalled for teaching, preaching, counseling, writing or any other instructional value to illustrate a point.  Of course, ethical standards and respect toward others involved in the story or example should be considered when appropriate.

Source to Pic of Dr. Fred Craddock

In the last ten years I have failed to consistently record these "one page" stories or principles primarily because I don't hold to a specific plan or system of doing so.  I have now decided to plan on using this blog as my "one page" to collect illustrative stories, resources, and other useful material that I might find insightful to recall later for instructional purposes.  The great thing about collecting stories and other material is that the same illustration can be used with a variety of clients, parishioners, or readers to emphasize a multitude of principles.  Craddock said, "A different condition calls for a reshaping of the story that will address appropriately the new condition; you have to put the grease where the squeak is."

I have been writing these blogs sporadically the last couple years, but my goal is to write a blog each week.  Feel free to read, ignore, or interact at your leisure.  




       

Troubleshooting Your Thoughts: Helpful Self-talk Methods

Link to source of pic

Have you been doubting yourself lately or thinking more negative about your current life circumstance?  Using positive self-talk statements WILL NOT CHANGE YOUR CIRCUMSTANCE but it can reprogram your mind to look at a situation different.  Think about your mind like a computer:

     - Self talk is in our subconscious mind.  It is the thoughts that automatically appears in our mind without the prefrontal cortex filtering or rationalizing the thought.  It is the racing chatter in the mind before going to sleep at night or the self-talk going on about jobs, friends/family, upcoming projects, or situations throughout the day.
     -The subconscious mind is programmed similar to a computer.  Just like a computer, our mind will only perform the way  it is programmed.
     - When you insert programs into a computer, you are telling the computer how to respond.  This is like our mind.  When we input information into our mind there is a psychological and a physiological response (stomach tighten, sweating, sighing, muscle tension, fist clinching, etc.). 
     - The subconscious mind does not hold any preconceived ideas or beliefs that has not already been downloaded. 
     - The brain takes in all uncensored information, whether it is true or false/right or wrong.
   - The downloaded material that the brain accepts from pictures, statements, feelings, thoughts inserts into the subconscious mind.

Always/Never thoughts can be unhealthy.  A person's circumstance should not be filtered in the prefrontal cortex by extreme (always/never) thinking.  These thoughts produce a mind that will struggle to look at different perspectives and solutions when troubleshooting problems in your life.

• I'm not good at anything or (insert current issue) VS. I can handle this.
• Nothing ever goes the way I intend VS. I'm making some progress.
• Why should I try to do this?  VS. I'm willing to try.
• I can't get this done on time. VS. I am in control of this situation.
• I've tried, I can't, I wont succeed. VS. I am good at or I can do this.
• What is wrong with me? VS. I have a fantastic ... job/friends/skills
• It's just not my day.  VS. I'll keep trying.
• I'm so frustrated. VS. I'll eventually get it with will power.

Programming these positive thoughts into your mind wont change your circumstance but it may give you a different perspective and the will power to try again, work harder, avoid giving up, and make progress so that you find success.   

Parenting Prompts

Conflict Management 

This isn't one of those new parenting revelations, but just a healthy review.  When kids are facing a conflict with one of their peers, there are three steps that they could take in order to resolve it.  If a child comes to me and expresses that he is being provoked by another child, then I will ask that child how he responded.  If he is a tattle-tell and just came to me first, then I will send him back to the other child after explaining to him that he needs to develop some skills on how to resolve his own conflict.  I instruct the child to explain to his peer that his behavior is provoking him, express how he feels, and to tell his peer to please stop with a polite but assertive tone of voice.  It's important for kids to start advocating for themselves and to practice how they can express their feelings appropriately to others, especially when they are frustrated.  The second step the child will need to take if communicating to his peer doesn't work, is to walk away from the annoying peer and do something else.  This may not seem fair if the child was playing with the toy first or was in a specific space first, but kids need to learn early that not all hills are worth dying for (parent's need to watch out for kids who may take advantage of this).      

Parent's or child care workers can't always put out fires for our kids, but we must be able to teach them the skills to manage their own conflict.  Unfortunately, kids don't always pay attention to social cues (i.e., peer walking away and not playing with him anymore) or sometimes they just want to continue provoking.  I always provide the child with the third step, which is talking to a parent or an adult so they can intervene.  The adult should not intervene when the conflict initially comes to the surface unless their is an immediate safety risk.

This strategy will need to be enforced, reminded, explained and re-explained until it becomes a habit to the to the child.  When you are tired of reminding them of this technique, that's when it will start catching on.  It's a blessing when kids stop tattle-telling and start managing conflict on their own!

Shouldn't adults be addressing the issue with the conflicted party first, instead of going to others, as well???  This is something we can all work on.

Tony Nichols